Poems-Feelings and more.

To A Childless Woman

  You think I cannot understand. Ah, but I do…

I have been wrung with anger and compassion for you.

I wonder if you’d loathe my pity, if you knew.

But you shall know. I have carried in my heart too long
This secret burden. Has not silence wrought your wrong
Brought you to dumb and wintry middle-age, with grey
Unfruitful withering? Ah, the pitiless things I say…

What do you ask your God for, at the end of day,
Kneeling beside your bed with bowed and hopeless head?
What mercy can He give you?Dreams of the unborn
Children that haunt your soul like loving words unsaid
Dreams, as a song half-heard throu

Siegfried Sassoon

Maybe Next Month

Maybe Next Month

I’ll know for sure

Maybe Next Month

I won’t have to keep explaining why I’m not

Maybe Next Month

My body will conceive like its supposed to

Maybe Next Month

I’ll have a life within

Maybe Next Month

I live in hope

Maybe Next Month

I never knew it would be so hard

Maybe Next Month

People will stop asking….

Heather Step .

  REMINDERS

That Special Lady

She was one I did most admire

The one I always wanted to aspire

Love and laughter filled her days

Even though she had funny ways

She gave so much to all around

Her generosity held no bounds

She loved to sing, and to dance

Your life, she’d enrich and enhance

To everybody, she was so kind

But to fools, she was not blind

Her advice, people did depend

And straight talking didn’t offend

Her humour was always top notch

Skipping or playing hop-scotch

She always shot right from the hip

And didn’t stand for rudeness or lip

I do not speak of a celebrity or star

But somebody on a different par

The lady I write of is my lovely mum

Unfortunately something I’ll never become

 By Dawn Goodson.

They are everywhere:
A food commercial on TV
A screensaver on the computer
Magnets on the fridge
Toys on the floor
A message on the answering machine
Announcing the arrival of a newborn.
Reminders.
Of a little girl’s dream
That will never see the light of day
Every reminder cuts like a knife
The pain so deep, so powerful
It steals my breath away
Knowing I will never feel the flutter
Of a new life within
Never experience late-night feedings
Or sleepless colicky nights
Never be called Mommy
Or Nana later on.
Reminders.
Fill me with guilt
For feeling the way I do:
Jealous and inadequate
Feelings of guilt consume me
Because I don’t appear to appreciate
The small ones that I do have in my life
Reminders
Of three little angels
Whom I love with all my heart
And who light up my life.
And yet they remind me
Of the child of my own
That I want one day
But will never have.

by Sarah

An Open Letter by Clare Rickett

Despite what it may look like, I am not giving up.

.

Every time I get a period, or every time I think I am pregnant but then it appears that I am not, I grieve for the loss of a baby that might have been.  I have done this month on month for the whole time we have been trying.  That is six years now.

This is something that is so incredibly important to me.  I know the names of my (never to be) children.  I know what furniture I want to buy; I know what we are going to do if it is twins. Have I told you about the travel systems for the (never to be) babies?  What about their darling little clothes?  I know what the arrangements for the christening will (never) be, I know the people who we would ask to be Godparents, I know how I will tell the grandparents (never) to-be the good news (which will never happen).  The list is endless.  Every time I think I might be pregnant all these dreams and wishes and fantasies and castles in the air totally fill my mind.  It is impossible to stop them Lord knows I have tried.  When the test is negative I just feel like someone has taken my dream away from me.  It is terrible, devastating.  It hurts; like somebody has given me a good old beating mentally, emotionally and physically.

And that, in a nutshell is why I am so angry. People say that I look for the hard way of doing things.  Well, let me tell you, it just damn well happens to me.  I don’t even have to look. Someone, somewhere wants me to suffer and so everything is always hard, or impossible. How is that a kind and merciful and benevolent God?  He just looks mean, petty minded and cruel from my perspective.

What I want to know is if there is a God, where is he right now?  I am a good person.  I have never broken the Ten Commandments, I go to Church, I am involved in my local community, I give generously of my time and resources, am kind to old people, to strangers, to animals, to children.  I try and eat right; I exercise as much as I can.  WHAT THE HELL ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?  HOW MUCH BETTER DO I HAVE TO BE BEFORE THE SO CALLED BENEVOLENT GOD LETS ME HAVE A BABY?

There is yet another article in the paper about some 13 year old got pregnant the first time she had sex.  HOW IS THAT FAIR?  You know, I am not expecting miracles, but cutting me a little slack every now and again would be helpful. Everything is such a struggle and right now, I have had enough.  I just don’t have the energy anymore.

I thought we were supposed to do things this way.  You know, get married, then have babies and have a secure home and family to offer the child.  Well, I did it the right way and look where it got me.  Why can’t people realise that just because we are childless, we still have a life? Yet, I want my life to have some kind of meaning.  I just don’t know what that can be if I can’t pass on my genes to the next generation.


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